FAQ

Some of you may have some questions. Some of you may need answers. Some of you may want answers to some already asked questions. 

 

  • BUTTER IN YOUR COFFEE? BLECH. I PUT BUTTER ON MY TOAST.

Well, here's the first thing: don't eat toast. Come on, that processed bread crap? Why do we put butter in our coffee? We don't just put any butter in our coffee. No, we put grassfed butter in our coffee. We don't fuel our bodies with crappy, processed foods. Why should we use products that are produced from animals that eat crappy, processed foods? Grassfed butter is a super clean fat that will sustain your energy, curb hunger and improve your mental clarity and focus when consuming with your coffee. As an added bonus, it is super creamy and delicious. Win/win.

 

  • SO WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH THIS MCT OIL?

MCT oil is AWESOME! This stuff is like nature's energy drink. You're going to get jacked (or lady-jacked) with this stuff. MCT is a medium chain tryglyceride. Most of the food we consume is composed of long chain tryglycerides, which basically means that it takes a while for our body to process them. MCT, like the ones found in coconut, are processed almost upon consumption. Your body will burn through them, leading to an increased metabolism.

This is an instant source of energy that increases the absorption of products that are taken with it. So, if you decide to blend some into your coffee (which you should) the caffeine in the coffee will become more available to your body. The cool thing is, you don't get the crazy super panicky feeling of drinking too much caffeine; you're just more alert, more energetic. Plus, you don't crash when the caffeine has worn off. Your mind gently floats down to a soft pillow of feathers, cotton balls and baby kisses. The addition of MCT to your diet will up your stamina game, your energy game, your everything game. 

 

  • HEY, WHY ISN'T YOUR COFFEE ORGANIC? I MEAN, C'MON, IT'S THE 21ST CENTURY. 

Our coffee is grown under strict standards and practices. Our coffee is not certified organic, however it is grown and processed without pesticides and is 65% naturally shade grown. All the byproducts of producing our coffee (pulp from processing, etc) goes right back into the growing process. We meet and exceed the current standards put in place to achieve what is described as organic.

Here's where it gets real and why small businesses need the support. Current standards for receiving USDA Organic certification often prevents smaller producers from entering the market as the costs/bureaucracy and large outlet supply chain lobbies squeeze out small businesses without the resources. These same lobbies have manipulated the use of regulations (including changing regulations to allow synthetic ingredients in organic foods) and mislead the public to promote their businesses. The state of the "organic" title is merely a buzzword, and is unfortunately backed by irresponsible business practices by large food companies attempting to cash in on the latest market craze. We know our stuff is good for you and responsibly cultivated. We don't need the organic certification to prove it. 

 

  • I LOVE YOUR COFFEE BUT I HATE USING MY FINGERS TO NAVIGATE TO YOUR SITE EVERY MONTH TO MAKE AN ORDER. IS THERE A WAY THAT I CAN USE MY MIND TO GET MY COFFEE EVERY MONTH?

As a matter of fact, there is! We offer subscriptions. Monthly gifties arriving at your door. Save the time and hassle of ordering each month and settle into a life of ease and relaxation because your coffee needs are taken care of. Tait and Keith will even come to your house, brew it and serve the coffee to you (service only available in Djibouti). Here's where to go: Black Sails Yacht Club!!!

 

  • WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME TAIT SAW HIS FACE?

Legend has it that Tait last saw his face in early 2004. The world was obsessed with Janet Jackson's nips, Facebook was launched, and Tait's beard was just a twinkle in his eye. Here is an artist's rendering of what he may have looked like: 

because America. and Freedom.

because America. and Freedom.

 

  • I LIVE IN DJIBOUTI. WILL YOU SHIP YOUR COFFEE TO ...DJIBOUTI?

We will ship to most physical addresses and PO boxes, including military installations. If you have any issues at all with finding where you live, that is problematic. If you have any issues with shipping questions, email us and we'll do our best to get you some Caveman Coffee!

 

  • IS KEITH REALLY MEAN? LIKE HIS NICKNAME?

Keith is a soft, pillow of a bear with unicorn smiles and the playful nature of a free-range dolphin.

Free range everything elicits smiles, even from dolphins. 

Free range everything elicits smiles, even from dolphins. 

 

  • I OWN A GYM. AND A WEBSITE. AND A STORE. HOW DO I SELL YOUR AWESOME STUFF?

That's an easy one. Use your finger/mouse/favorite computer navigation tool to get yourself to this here link: Wholesale Account Info.

 

  • HELP! I ACCIDENTALLY PUT IN THE WRONG ADDRESS FOR MY ORDER! MY LIFE IS RUINED!

Fret not. We got you. Hey...shhh shh shhhhh....we got you. Here are the cool options available to you. We would be happy to re-route your package to your new address. Unfortunately, the shipping gods demand $12 for that service. Depending on the service that is being used to get your goods to you (read: Shipping Info), you can sign up for UPS My Choice (this is the golden key to being able to divert shipments to any address you desire). 

  • GUYS! I HATE AWESOME THINGS SO I NEED TO MAKE A RETURN. HOW DO I DO THAT?

It's cool. We understand. This doesn't have to mean goodbye forever. Here's our return policy. If you have any questions, shoot us an email, put RE: GLORIOUS PANDA AFRO in the subject line, and we'll take care of business time. LIKE BOSSES!